


I'm Not Fooling Anyone

by revvoen



Series: Ivan and Alyosha songfics [2]
Category: Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Genre: Drama, M/M, Out of Character, Psychology, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revvoen/pseuds/revvoen
Summary: You're seeing right through me,You love me all the way,Way too much for me to let this go.
Relationships: Alexei "Alyosha" Fyodorovich Karamazov/Ivan "Vanya" Fyodorovich Karamazov
Series: Ivan and Alyosha songfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876348
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Ivan and Alyosha songfics





	I'm Not Fooling Anyone

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to aesthetlouse for the corrections!  
> Soundtrack: Ivan And Alyosha — I'm Not Fooling Anyone

"I want to go back to the cloister."

Alyosha smiled, taking Ivan's hand in his own, affectionately caressing it. It was a long time ago he decided he wants to spend all his life far away from laity. He loves it — but on distance. Even being with his own family exhausted him everytime, so Alyosha decided that it will be better for everyone. A selfish decision — maybe the Karamazov traits started to show themselves, and this was also a thing which Alyosha hoped to escape in cloister. 

_"Everytime you go  
I'm waiting here alone" _

It was a shock for Ivan — when he refused to go to the Moscow, secretly he was hoping that now he can spend more time with his little — oh, not little anymore — brother. But turned out Alyosha has his own thoughts on this.

"But why?" Ivan couldn't avoid astonishment showing on his face, "Is just living in Skotoprigonyevsk not enough for you?"

"You don't understand..."

"Yes I don't!" cried Ivan, forgetting that they was in a tavern and anybody could hear them, "Listen, you are the most pure creature in our filthy family, that's why you want to go and at the same time that's the reason you must stay!"

_"Wondering why all the pain  
With never a thing to show. " _

"Ivan, please..." Alyosha softly looked at him, trying to make his sight as tender as possible, "There is no place for me. You should go to Moscow — why did you stay?"

_"My heart is on my sleeve  
And this is something that hurts" _

Ivan didn't know himself, was it silly or not, to tell Alyosha about all his feelings. His brother was the only person Ivan really wanted to see and who understand him the most. Unfortunately, Ivan couldn't reply with the same insight not because he didn't love Alyosha but because he loved him too much and this love made him totally blind.

_"Then I tuck it far away  
Become an actor for a day." _

"Forget about it", Ivan got up, shaking because of emotions, "If you return to the cloister, I will return to the Moscow." 

The eyes of Alyosha glanced with happiness that everything had resolved normally before he saw an genuine dolor on Ivan's face. 

"What's wrong, brother?" he asked worriedly, "You don't want to go?" 

_"But I'm not fooling anyone  
And certainly not you" _

"Damn it all, Alyosha!" Ivan hysterically laughed with tears on his eyes, "I don't need the whole world of God, if you are not in it!" 

Alyosha froze, timidly looking at him. He made a small step towards door and Ivan, noticing that, pulled him up by the collar of the cassock.

"Please stay."

The kiss was chaste and short, Alyosha didn't have time to say anything against it, and when Ivan released him, he still didn't mind.

"Do you hate me?" Ivan was looking square in the eye. 

"Never", Alyosha answered quietly. 

"Does it mean you will not return to the cloister?" 

"Now I don't know if I have a choice." 

Ivan laughed. 

_"So you say  
Let your love show." _


End file.
